First Floor

[Initial interview with Optimist #104]

 

Agent Smiles: Hello! This is the initial interview with Optimist #104 on the first floor of Happiness. Say hello, #104.

104: Um, hello?

Agent Smiles: Very good! You are great at doing what you are told to do. This is an awesome skill to begin with on your way to Happiness!

104: Can you tell me what we're doing here?

Agent Smiles: I don't like saying no, it is a SAD word. So first question! What is your full name?

104: Debbie Nixon. Uh, Debra Nixon. I go by Debbie...

Agent Smiles: Here, you will be called #104! How exciting! Now, what is your age?

104: 29.

Agent Smiles: Awesome answers! Thanks for being honest, because we'd know if you were lying! And lying is not a part of Happiness. Now question three, what is your race?

104: Latina, or Chicana. Whichever.

Agent Smiles: Hm, I will mark 'non-white.'

104: You seriously only have white and non-white?

Agent Smiles: Question 4! This is a big one, 104, so please do your best to answer it honestly. We are watching! So, what brought you to Choose Happiness™!?

104: (Pause) I guess I came here because I am out of places to turn. Everything kept going wrong in my life. I felt...I feel depressed. Sad. Hopeless. All the buzzwords from your ad. I could barely make myself get up in the morning. I went through the motions but it felt like I wasn't really alive. Things happened to me, instead of with me.

It started when Nick left. It made no sense. We were so happy, so in love. I know for a fact he bought a ring because I accidentally found it in his sock drawer. There were no signs he wasn't happy. And when he told me he was leaving, he was crying. Like he didn't really want to go. I asked if there was another woman and he insisted there wasn't. He said he had to do it. It was almost like someone was forcing him to leave me, but that makes no sense. Last I heard, he had moved back in with his sister, who was in a near-fatal accident just before we broke up.

After Nick left, of course I was a mess. But I wasn't this bad. I could have survived it. But... then I lost my job. That also came completely out of the blue. I worked at this amazing bookstore and business was great. I loved all of my co-workers, especially my boss. He was like a second father to me. When he called me into his office, he was crying. He said he had to let me go. He had no choice. I asked him what I had done to deserve it. I was always on time, rarely called in sick...but he didn't give me any answers. He said he would miss me but I had to leave. So now two important people in my life had kicked me out of theirs, with no reason.

Then my mom stopped calling me. She said she was busy but I know there was something else. My family never picked up my phone calls. My friends seemed to disappear one by one. My circle was getting smaller and smaller.

I hit rock bottom when I slept with some guy at a bar. He didn't want to use condoms and I suppose I was too drunk to care. He was gone when I woke up in the morning. I never did things like that! I'm too scared to go for a pregnancy test or STD test. I just wanted it to be over. Depression is... I felt like I was dying, alone, and no one wanted to help me.

But then I found your flyer. Something about the wording sounded good. Familiar. Welcoming. When I called, the person on the other end said they cared about me. It was indescribable.

Agent Smiles: And what did they tell you about the program?

104: That is was an intensive, inpatient program designed to get to the root of depression and dig it out. They asked if I could spend a few weeks or more here, and, of course, I said yes. No boyfriend and no job meant I was free as a bird. They even said they would pay my rent while I was gone!

Agent Smiles: Our organization believes that change is possible, 104. It just takes a little time and a lot of sacrifice.

104: I am willing to do whatever it takes. I just need to know what this program actually is. Is it therapy?

Agent Smiles: Everyone always asks that. You have to trust us. If you don't, it won't work. And you'll never get what you want. Choose Happiness™! is a state of mind, created by altering events around you until you become aware.

104: Aware of what?

Agent Smiles: You wouldn't want me to ruin the surprise, would you?

 

[This initial interview was conducted November 1st, 2018. Optimist #104 was successfully attained after the HNTR protocol was established. All related parties are accounted for and have been neutralized. #104 will now move on to Happiness floor 2 for cleansing.]