Object 653: The Holder of Ideas

Behind a certain building made for religious worship, there is a forest. When you travel in the forest, initially, you must follow the path that is presented to you, but once you reach a split in the path, you must go off of the path entirely and wander to your right. If you wander for long enough, be on the lookout for a small house, which may or may not even exist. It will not present itself to you directly, you will have to search for it. It may take hours, days, weeks, or however long it takes for you to lose yourself in the forest and realize that you have no hope for survival when the wolves begin to howl.

If and when the small house presents itself to you, you must go to the front of the house. Do not knock on the door. Nobody will answer, the gesture will anger the host of the house, and the wolves will only find you faster that way. No, you must look to what is on the front porch: a glistening, black, grand piano, which contrasts heavily with the stark-white house. Do not spend all of your time looking at its utmost beauty. The wolves are sure to find you eventually, unless you get yourself into the house.

To get into the house, you must compose a piece of music befitting for your hosts' ears within five minutes. Sit down at the piano, and concentrate. Your musical composition must be original, it must be beautiful, and you must make it within those five minutes. When you succeed in creating a piece of music that meets standards, you may look out across the small clearing in front of the house and notice several of the wolves you heard howling earlier. Do not stop playing. They're listening to your music. While still playing, the front door should snap open, and a young, plain-looking woman will step out and whisper to you to hurry inside. When you are absolutely ready, stop playing and run for the door. Once both of you are safely inside, she will lock and bolt the door, keeping the wolves out.

From here, you must tell the woman, "I am here to speak with the Holder of Ideas." She will silently bow to you and lead you to a plain white door. Taking a key from around her neck, she will unlock this door with it, and then hand the key to you. Accept it graciously, then proceed down the short flight of stairs that has appeared on the other side of the door. When you get to the bottom, the woman, who has been peering at you through a crack in the door cautiously, will shut it. Look away, then back at it, and the door will be gone. Step off of the stairs and into the plain white room, then look back at the stairs, and they will be gone, also.

There is a trench separating you from the other side of this bright, white room. If you check your pockets, any other possessions you once had will be gone, save for the key the woman gave you. Behind you, on the wall, will be three tiny locks. This key will unlock each of these locks, which each open a separate door with three different items in them. These items vary from person to person, and you must use these three items to get across the trench. If you do not try, or try but get stuck, you'll be stuck for the rest of what remains of your life. Nobody will come to help you, and you will not receive the Object you were seeking. You will slowly die in that room, until eventually you turn to dust and are no more.

If you succeed in making your way across the trench, go through the doorway that is present. There is no door, just stairs, straight as an arrow, leading you up just as those before led you down. When you turn around, the doorway will be gone. When you reach the top and go through another doorway that has presented itself, the stairs will disappear, just as before. The room before you will be just as brightly lit as the one with the trench, but the walls are covered in etchings, and the Holder is busy making more. Some will be drawings in crayon, some will be painted, some will be carved (though with what you do not want to imagine), and some you will not know anything about.

When you look at the Holder, it is like you are in a dream. Don't be deceived by this, you are very much awake. The Holder, every time you blink, will be someone or something different, be it a tantalizingly beautiful woman or a tall lizard man. It is whatever the Holder wishes to present itself as at that moment, which varies and changes incredibly swiftly. This Holder, whatever you happen to see it as, will be holding some kind of artistic medium. Tap it on the shoulder, and the Holder will slowly turn its head to face you, and it will give you its artistic medium. Take it, and upon touching your hand, it will turn into a wooden paintbrush, with its thick bristles covered lightly in white paint.

The Holder, in its form, will turn to face you entirely, and look into the windows to your soul. It will then deem you as a great mind, an average mind, or a small mind. Pray you are not small-minded; the Holder will release you into the outside world, where no one will recognize you, as if your very being was wiped away, and all that you love will no longer exist, just as you don't. If you are average-minded, the Holder will simply scoff at you, and proceed to turn you into another of its paints. However, if you are deemed to be great-minded, the Holder will show you its true form, that of a young woman bathed in white. Once you have recognized this, you must say with no doubt, "Great minds discuss ideas." If you do not, you will have the same fate as that of a small-minded person.

Once you have put down your statement, the Holder will laugh a delightful laugh of tinkling bells and plucked harp strings, then smile and turn away from you. She will procure a new form of art media, a paintbrush like yours. She will paint your face into a blank spot on the wall you hadn't seen before, black paint contrasting on white just as the piano had. Once she is done, and she turns back to you, that is your opportunity to ask the question, "What is humanity's one true inspiration?"

She will laugh again, and explain in detail exactly the root of humanity's inspiration, and lay out the long story explaining why and how it came to be. It will be hours before she is done, and when she is, if she feels that you are worthy, she will hand over her other paintbrush, the bristles covered in black paint this time. She will tear the edge off of her white gown and give it to you. Use this strip to wrap the paintbrushes together around the handles, so that the tips face opposite sides.

When you look up, the Holder will be gone, and a small doorway will be next to where she had painted your face. Enter, and you will be blinded by a flash of white light. When you have regained consciousness, you will be on the front steps of the building of worship in front of the forest, and hopefully, you kept a tight grip on the paintbrushes.

These paintbrushes, tied together by the edge of the Holder of Ideas' gown, are Object 653 of 2538. Just like the tips of these brushes, these items must never come together.

Object 654: The Holder of Lost Memories

Warning: Before attempting this Object, please note I may not be at my location at this time. If so, then I do apologize.

In the United States, in Hendersonville, North Carolina, travel around until you find an old abandoned house. I will be waiting only in one, the one fondest of my memories. Inside, I have no doubt that it will be overrun with some rodents (snakes, rats, ants, you know), they aren't part of the quest, so do what you'd like to them. Remember that the house will look like no one has lived in it in hundreds of years, and it's kind of isolated.

Once you've found the right one, knock on the door thrice (not the porch door). After that, the door should be unlocked and you will be free to head inside. Inside, the house will be lit with candles; that is if I'm home. You will not hear much when inside, just the usual things you might expect - wind, creaking floorboards; the usual. However, if you hear the faint sound of chanting, leave immediately. If you refuse, then the entire room will turn into a bloody and gory mess, the door will disappear, and my pets will eat you up.

If everything seems to go as planned, head down to the basement; it should be the first door to your right, down in the hallway, near the kitchen. Now, when you are down here, it will be safe if you hear me talking to myself (I still find it a bit embarrassing when someone catches me talking to myself though). You will find some more stairs that go downward. Head down there, open the door, and meet me. I will have you a notebook. Write in it all about the memories you had lost, and now remember.

The notebook will be Object 654 of 2538. Now that you remember, you won't ever forget.

Object 660: The Holder of Reason

This Object is one of many which have been lost in time. Seeking such a thing is not relative to "WHERE can I find this" but more "WHEN can I find this". Be prepared for one of the most maddening journeys you have ventured upon. In any rural city or town, find a large wooded area and begin to explore. Do not bring a watch or time-telling device, your concept of time will be altered from henceforth. In your travels aim to become truly lost, throw away your sense of direction and walk until nightfall. Upon the sunsetting, proclaimed the phrase: "I have come to the reason of being!"

Don't worry too much if you rephrased it a bit, this does not matter to them in the long run. They have probably waited centuries to finally have a true Seeker in their midst. Close your eyes and lay down where you are. Sleep will swiftly follow, whether you like it or not. You will be plagued with vivid and lucid nightmares for what seems to be an eternity. You will snap awake on a floating landmass in an empty abyss. Remain confident and firm, wavering faith will cause the creatures in the shadows to sense weakness and move in for the kill. Unlike other trials, your death will be swift as if you were attacked by a normal carnivorous animal in your dimension. The ultimate price though, for dying at any point in this task, is the destruction of your immortal soul. No afterlife, no heaven or hell, just the end of your very existence. Walk forward on your floating path, taking care not to fall. Walk straight, do not venture to your left or right, you know the price you will pay. Look at your dominant hand, left or right. Whichever it is, put more effort into using the opposite leg, as the dominant leg will slowly overpower your weaker one over long-distance walking.

If you have heeded these instructions, then you will notice a glow in the distance. This glow will eventually grow and illuminate the entire landmass you have been walking upon. You should also notice that you have almost reached the end of the path you have walked, there being just a small trapdoor on a thinner section of the floating rock, seeming impossible to lead anywhere but the endless darkness below, but you should know by now, all is not as it seems. Enter and descend down the spiral marble staircase. As you move deeper into this lair the light which illuminated the entrance will soon be but a fond memory. At which point you feel your feet touch loose soil, stop and shout in the most demanding tone possible: "I wish to see what has already begun!"

Your path should appear in front of you as a long strip of tattered carpet with numerous hovering candles. At the end of this path, there will be two doors. The first is an escape from the seeking nightmare, you will awaken in a hospital bed with your family surrounding you; they start telling you about an accident that had occurred and how you had fallen into a coma. All of the Objects you have found up to this point, all the burdens and knowledge gained from the trials, will be forgotten and you will be free. The second door is far more sinister.

To open this, you must have endured all the previous Holder trials and obtained all the knowledge and Objects from each. Behind this door will be a deserted wasteland as far as the eye can see. No matter which direction you dare wander, there will be nothing, leaving you to die of thirst or hunger. If you look directly ahead of where you entered, you will see a lone figure on the dull landscape. This figure does not appear human; ignore it, as it is an illusion created to discourage the weak, forcing them to leave and take the other door.

As you get closer to the humanoid being, you will notice that not only is it completely naked but his body is different in certain aspects. His limbs will seem smooth as if there are no joints, muscles, or bones. His face will lack a nose and his eyes will appear as two sunken black holes above a mouth of jagged teeth, which is covered by a thin layer of fleshy skin. Though your trials have had you face off against more terrifying beings, his very existence will shake you to your core. You will instantly know he is not like the others, he is somehow a creature that transcends them all. He will turn to face you, smiling beneath his fleshy face, and stare deeply into your eyes. It is your choice to look at him directly or not, there are no punishments for either. But looking at him will make you feel somehow empty, like every Seeker quest was just delaying the inevitable feeling that there is no purpose to life other than its end. At this point, unlike the other Holders, you may ask him anything you wish. He will answer any question he has knowledge about, be it about his life or yours. The only way to end this conversation is to ask the one ultimate question: "Why?"

The being will sigh, that being his only interaction with another creature in several eternities. He will not describe all the wrongs of the world nor will he tell you of every sorry ever felt. He will simply reply thusly, "Because every living thing has evil in them." With that single sentence, you will understand his feelings. The Objects have always existed in some shape or form, merely shifting appearance to coincide with the reality they are in. His world had such Objects too, and he chose to use them to eradicate all evil from his dimension of existence, thus ending all life. With this, everyone's souls were free from the eternal cycle of living and suffering. After many millennia, he glimpsed at our world, full of chaos and evil intentions. He placed the Objects with Holders of his creation into our world to be obtained by one worthy, you.

With this, he will touch your hand, holding it gently, and lay one finger on your palm. You will slowly lose consciousness. You will awaken in a hospital bed surrounded by family. They will tell you about an accident which occurred and how you have been in a coma ever since. You will have lost all the Objects, but you will retain the knowledge which was passed down to you by the "Holder of Reason". Look at your palm, you will see a mark shaped like a circle with six spines spiking out of the center. This is the "Mark of the Shattered". With this, you have the choice of protecting or destroying.

You are Object 660 of 2538. Will you choose to protect all life in your plane of existence, flawed or not? Or do you choose to end the cycle of evil and suffering, just as I did before you? Heed my words, whether you choose to end it or not, I will destroy the evil that plagues your world, just as I purified mine.

Object 666: The Holder of Armageddon

In any city, in any country, go to a mental institution farther away from your last encounters. When you meet a security guard, you must say you seek for the one who calls himself "The Holder of Armageddon". If the security guard pulls out a taser, run and don't look back, and don't go back to the mental institution, you've failed.

But if the security guard had a worried sigh and leads you to a dark room, just move straight. If you even slightly touch the walls, you will awaken "the living wall" and you will be crushed to death. If you pass this, you will see 666 doors, odd as it may seem. Take the 666th door. If you would've taken the others, you would've been plunged into a pit of suffering and damnation. You will then see a black-haired man. The only question he will answer is: "Why does evil and destruction exist?" He will then appear behind you. Stare into his eyes. You will see visions of the devil and his minions. You will then wake up next to a scythe.

This scythe is Object 666 of 2538. The end is nigh and you will be the first to go.

Object 667: The Holder of Subtlety

Make your way into any mental institution or halfway house that you can, and ask whoever is at the front desk to see the one known as "The Holder of Subtlety". The expression on the attendant will change, in a manner only barely noticeable. If their expression says the same, turn around and walk out. You will have three days to put as much distance between yourself and the person as you can, and if it is not far enough, they will know where you are.

The attendant will lead you to a door, deep in the bowels of the building, which is slightly a darker shade than the other doors. They will open the door, and you will feel a small force pulling on you. Once inside, the attendant will shut the door, and it will lock behind you. You will be on a landing, and all around you will be a white void. Ahead of you will be a narrow walkway, with no railing, leading off into the distance. The voices of everything that you have ever loved will beg from all around you to look at them, but you must stare straight ahead as you walk along, for if at any moment you look around you, what you will see will also see you, and it is much more horrible than anything that you have seen.

If you can keep from looking around, you will eventually see another door at the end of the walkway. When you reach it, look down. You will see a key on the walkway, which fits one of the three keyholes on the door. The correct keyhole will open the door, but the others will trap the key in place. The correct keyhole will be different from the other two in some small way, but you must hurry and choose, because the thing in the void guards the door, and can see all who get close to it.

If you select the correct lock, you will go through the door and into a small room, in the center of which will be a speaker sitting on a desk next to a call button. If you hear soft music coming from these speakers, immediately turn around and run, as hard as you can, back toward the door that you came in. Pray that you don't fall off of the walkway, or you will never have been, or that you make it back to the door before you are taken, for the void knows what it is to do when the music is played.

If there is no music, you must push the button and ask aloud, "What did they see?" The speaker will crackle to life, and a voice that will drive you to the edge of your sanity will tell you exactly what they saw, what they see, and what they will see. It will tell you in maddening detail, and you must listen to it, because it warns you of what will happen. When it is done, the speaker will be a pair of glasses. A door, leading back out into the hallway, will appear in the wall where it wasn't before.

These glasses are Object 667 of 2538. If you want to keep your sanity, you won't put them on.

Object 671: The Holder of Sense

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask the worker to speak to "The Holder of Sense". The worker will look at you and her left eye will twitch, as if she saw something terrible behind you. Do not turn around or the sight will render you blind with fear.

When her left eye stops twitching, she will take you to a room full of portraits and give you a key.

Search for a portrait of an old woman with two young children. One male, one female. If the boy blinks, turn around and run as fast as you can. Do not stop or you will be forced to watch a child pull out your intestines as he laughs. If the young girl blinks, you may proceed.

Shout out the words, "You have very beautiful children, ma'am," and the portrait will slide to the side, revealing a dark room. Enter the room and let the portrait slide back into place. Turn around immediately, or your soul will burn while your body is sliced apart.

You will now face a mirror. In the mirror, you will see a small lightbulb, lighting the room behind you and revealing a family of four sitting at a dinner table, having a conversation. This conversation will be in an unknown language. Do not speak until the conversation ends, and never turn around to face them directly.

When the conversation ends, ask the family, "Why must They not be together?" If the father turns to answer, all hope is lost. Pray for a quick, painful death. Should the mother turn to answer, she will tell of all the terrible things that ever happened. Horrible deeds that the human mind cannot comprehend. Try to keep yourself sane until she finishes speaking. When, at last, you feel something touch your foot, you may turn around. Gently pick up the Object and proceed out of the room. The portrait you entered through will slide open as you touch it.

The dinner plate is Object 671 of 2538. The markings engraved on it will become clear when the Objects unite.

Object 676: The Holder of Ruin

A woman lay on her bed, scanning her surroundings. The moonlight danced tantalizingly on the marble pillars and the tile floor. Her gaze shifted to the ceiling, her eyes slowly passing over the intricate frescoes masterfully etched into the glazed granite. She knew the carvings down to the last, most minute detail. The wind rushed through an open window, rustling about playfully, as if curious to see what treasures might be kept within this spacious abode. It carried the faint scent of lilac, the same kind her mother kept on the living room table when she was a child. Its curiosity satiated, the breeze flitted out as quickly as it came. The woman heard the faint grumble of a car traveling a distant road.

She knew nothing of what she, or her very existence, would become. Everything seemed so real to her then.

She thought nothing would ever change.

 

She remembers well the first one that came to visit her bedchamber. He was a bright-eyed youth, barely in his twenties. He reminded her so much of herself in those long past days; that determination that sparkled in his eyes, the way he carried himself with an air of unwavering confidence. He sought to change the world, much as she did. When she looks back on that night, she realizes that she might have taken it easy on him. She softened her words for him when she told him what must be done.

It was the same thing she'd done, for Michael and Lawrence and all the other children that had gone to war and never returned.

 

A woman lies on her bed, scanning her surroundings. The moonlight dances tantalizingly on the marble pillars and the tile floor. Her gaze shifts to the ceiling, her eyes slowly passing over the frescoes masterfully etched into the glazed granite. She knows these carvings down to the last, most minute detail. She waits for the wind, but the wind lies still, as it has for so long. The stagnant air is ripe with the stench of dust and decay. The only sound is that of her own heartbeat, loud and cacophonous. To block it out would require too much effort, a mental willpower she no longer has.

She still knows nothing about what she, or her very existence, has become. She knows none of it is real.

She knows nothing will ever change.

 

"Father," she said across the cavernous living room, the single word reverberating on the marble walls, growing softer with each repetition. He had never been the most open and receptive of men, but then he had seemed even more cold and distant, responding to nothing and no one. Not even his own daughter.

The sound of her voice died, and he did not stir. He was too lost in his own thoughts to acknowledge the presence of his child.

"Father."

 

She bestowed upon him the staff, and he accepted it graciously (how the young man resembled her, how uncannily so). She slept easy for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. For several days, the torturous agony that had plagued her existence was replaced with calm. She could not remember the last time she had felt such peace and serenity. She considered her duty done; all that remained now was to rest.

How little she knew then.

 

A woman lay on her bed scanning her surroundings (all that's left, everything else is gone). The moonlight danced tantalizingly on the marble pillars and the tile floor (taunting, teasing, maddening) her gaze shifted to the ceiling, her eyes slowly passing over the intricate frescoes masterfully etched into the glazed granite (how did it spiral so out of control, so horribly out of control). She knew these carvings down to the last, most minute detail (and yet, still so much more to learn). The wind rushed through an open window, rustling around playfully (for that is all it knows), as if curious to see what treasures might be kept within this spacious abode (all the more space to fill with broken dreams). It carried the faint scent of lilac, the same kind her mother kept on the living room table when she was a child (but never again, it's too late for that now). Its curiosity satiated, the breeze flitting out as quickly as it came (it knows what has happened and wants no part of it). The woman heard the faint grumble of a car traveling a distant road (it all seems so distant, so why won't it stop, oh god, please make it stop).

She knew nothing of what she, or her very existence, would become (for how can one fathom the impossible). Everything seemed so real to her then (but in the end, it was all a lie).

She thought nothing would ever change (and it never will change).

(Unless it can.)

 

The bliss was shattered in an instant. There was the staff, resting on the nightstand, as if it had never left. The sight of it was like a dagger to her heart. She knew she had nothing to do with his fate, yet she still felt like it was all her fault.

Deep down, she knows it is. None of this should have happened, yet she allowed it to. The guilt is her prison, and now she must serve her penance within it until the bitter end.

 

Her father walked out the door, her brothers in tow, all eager for glory and triumph. She cried out to them, tried to stop them, tried to enlighten them that it would all amount to nothing. "No! Stop!" she yelled. "You are only advancing toward destruction!" But, as sheep are bound to the whims of the Shepard, never questioning, never wavering, even as their master leads them to the butcher, so too did her brothers mindlessly follow the man she had come to despise so much as he herded them to their slaughter.

"Go forth," he said, "Sacrifice yourselves in the name of victory. You know what is expected of you; it is your duty to live up to those expectations, so that all shall praise your name, even as your bodies crumble to dust."

She should have wrenched them away, bound them in chairs, locked them away in the deepest, darkest, cellar, kept them away from their doom at all costs. But in the end, she stood there, powerless, helpless, unable to lift a finger, for the fear her father instilled in her mastered her and disabled her even as she strove to overcome it.

She was a sheep, no different from her brothers, and there was nothing she could do to change any of it.

 

Now comes the second. A young mother, she set forth on her perilous journey before her infant son even knew who she was. The staff changes hands once more, and then the bliss returns, though diminished from before.

It lasts for three days. Then the staff returns, and with it the grief.

So comes the third, and then the fourth and the fifth and the countless others. All so optimistic. All wanting to change the world. Each leaves her a fragment of their life; the fragments pile up into a chaotic mountain of false hopes and shattered dreams. And she tells them what must be done; the same story every time, now as much a part of her as her heart and lungs.

And every time the staff returns. The peace of relinquishing it has long since abandoned her; the grief of its return has only grown more poignant, to the point where it threatens to snap her mind in two.

Yet it cannot, for the cycle must continue. It cannot change.

 

The buildings explode and she keeps running and the spires tumble and she keeps running and the guns fire and she keeps running and the windows wail and she keeps running and the bodies pile up and she keeps running and the last soldiers fall and she keeps running and the invaders march through the streets and she keeps running for she knows how to make it all go away, how to make the horror and tragedy and despair and death go away, go away forever. If only she can make it to the one who holds the staff and get the staff and then all the others, then she can make it all end and she will finally know true peace and she doesn't yet know how but she knows she will, for it's all she can do now, and she knows death looms around every corner and she cares not in the slightest.

Because dying's not so bad if you've got nothing left to live for.

 

Come, little children. Come to me with your hopes and dreams. Leave them behind and hear my story. My story of someone much like you, who sought to change the world and yet changed nothing and now has to sit and watch the world pass them by, everything changing at every instant and yet nothing changing at all. Then let me give you the staff, number 676, and go forth on your journey. And I will watch you leave, and I will smile, even as I weep inside.

And then I will wait for the staff to return to me, and then I will start it all over again, for, in the end, nothing changes.

The things we call "changes" are but illusions, temporary disturbances in our perception of reality. They give us the impression that we can shape the world around us, even though we are powerless.

For to truly change something, you have to break the very rules of existence. To break such timeless, ironclad rules, you need to possess a courage the likes of which the world has never seen.

She had never cared much for rules. Perhaps this is why she had come to loathe her own father, he who abided by the rules to the letter and did all in his power to force everyone around him to do the same. When she reflects upon the day her new existence began, she wonders if it was all to spite him, to tear asunder the precious rules he existed to guard. With the limitless power she would gain by gathering all 2538, she could erase them forever, and from their smoldering ashes craft a new universe, one unbound by the arbitrary laws of men, one that would only know peace.

She wanted so badly to break the rules, but she lacked the courage to do so. As a result, she is now trapped in this new existence, forced to counsel countless others like her who want to break the rules but lack the resolve. She is forced to see her own failure reflected in the hope-filled eyes of those who come to visit her. She who once sought to break the rules herself is now bound by the rules of an entity unfathomable, those invisible shackles that imprison her even as she struggles to break free.

She wants to tell her visitors to just give up, that their endeavors will ultimately end in failure, just like hers. But to do so would be to relinquish her last shred of hope, that dream, however fleeting, however unattainable, that someone with that indomitable courage will finally come forth, take the staff, and with its help do the unthinkable; that which she was unable to do herself.

Until that day, she will lie on her bed, scanning her surroundings, tracing her eyes over the frescoes, telling the story, relinquishing the staff, and waiting for its return, repeating the endless cycle unto infinity. Amen.

 

I will pass through the inferno and I will pass through the cascade and I will pass through the storm and I will pass through the earth and I will pass through the ether and I will open my mouth as though to scream and nothing will issue forth but the story and so shall I remain until it all crumbles away to nothing then I will...

Object 687: The Holder of Omniscience

Once you enter a mental institution with the text of this ritual on your person, mention "The Holder of Omniscience" to the first nametag-bearing person you see, then turn to leave. If you leave successfully, thank the Holder for Their kindness and never attempt this ritual again. If the person grabs your arm, let them drag you into the depths of the institution, strap you to a gurney, and rip out your organs.

If this is not your first time attempting the ritual, your consciousness will be split among these body parts. As your body rots, you will see from the point-of-view of what ate you, what ate them, and so on, until you can barely distinguish between them.

If it IS your first time, you will find yourself in the body of a child with two parents, clenching this ritual on a black piece of paper in your hand. During your childhood, force your family to move from place to place by any means necessary.

When you try getting them to move, be cautious about your own safety, for you may not enter any hospitals or health clinics in your pursuit. If you do, you will face the same fate as if you tried the ritual a second time. Hope your parents are not conscientious, lest they take you to a doctor's appointment every year as they should.

The schools you go to may have armed police within them; avoid them as often as possible, for if you draw their attention, they will not hesitate to jail you for an arbitrary reason, and huge, slavering jaws await you there.

Finally, all semi-reflective surfaces will be completely transparent for you; you will not be able to see anyone's reflection, though they can see yours. If you do see a "reflection", flee immediately, disregarding all earlier rules. Anyone who tries to stop you will face the punishments your false reflection conducts.

Eventually, your parents will mention being in financial ruin due to how often they've had to move. They may move in with their parents, which will make your job easier. Quickly get all the adults in the house in front of a television, then ask the question, "What is the most you can know?" and then turn it on before any of them can answer.

The television should show a brightly colored children's show with characters espousing harmful conspiracy theories with the fervor and the voices of young children. They may, for example, imply that consuming large amounts of selenium is good for the body, or that lead helps increase mental capacity.

Eventually, they will start attacking opinions you hold or held strongly. Accept these things wholeheartedly, never flinching or looking away from the screen. You are now battling with the adults in the room. The more adults there are in the room, the more you can relax, as the television can only attack one person at a time. As soon as one of them tries to turn the TV off, you have effectively succeeded.

The person who lost will turn the television off and say, in a medley of unfamiliar voices, "There is no one who is truly omniscient." If you lost, you will find yourself staring at a black screen for the rest of eternity, convinced you've forgotten to do something, but completely blanking on what it is.

If anyone else lost, everyone in the room except you will be pulled into the screen, and a few seconds later, the Holder of Omniscience will come out. They will resemble a hastily-formed, slowly melting amalgam of all the people sucked into the screen. Keep your expression blank. The Holder will ask you, "Do you think omniscience is desirable?" and hand you a fleshy biscuit that looks like you.

The version of you who went to prison will see the slavering jaws of the version of you who succeeded, and if you choose to eat them, you will know what led them there. The Holder will do this again and again, once for each time you went to prison, and once you cannot eat anymore, refuse. If you become greedy and find yourself able to chew but unable to swallow, you will end up in a coma from which you cannot wake.

If you have eaten all of them, you will gain all the memories of the version of you who tried to get this Holder twice or more. Unlike in the punishment, these memories will rest comfortably in your brain like dreams or imaginary scenarios.

Crawl through the screen. You will find yourself staring at all the versions of you who saw their reflection in a mirror and ran. You are now that reflection. You will chase the past versions of yourself, who will all overlap in a straight line in front of you until you are grabbed by someone who mistakes you for the real child. They will sink into your body, and you will see everything they know, which you can choose to remember if you really want.

In a flash of red light, you will find yourself in front of the hospital where you started this attempt. As the you who was turned away by the nametag-bearing individual comes out, run up to them and attempt to get them back in. Disregard any attempt they may make on your life; this amount of suspicion is par for the course. Your only goal is that they go back inside, dooming them to eventually become part of you.

Find the nearest ledge on which you can sit and ponder what you've learned. These will be your last few thoughts before your knowledge is folded neatly into the mind of the versions of you who never went in search of this Object to begin with.

These versions of you will periodically be blessed with the knowledge of trials you have never done, both failures and successes. This restricted omniscience is Object 687 of 2538. The ones who scoff at it merely underestimate the power of what they know.

Object 693: The Holder of Things Lost

The location of the Holder of Things Lost is different for everyone.

In a place you know well, in a town you were possibly raised in, is a place that means more to you than anything. A place where the memory that means the most to you took place. A memory that took place in a time, or with people or a person, that you miss dearly.

In order to find the Holder of Things Lost, you must visit this place that is specific to you with only disdain for how your life has played out in your heart. You must treat your visit to this place as you would treat a visit to the grave of the person that means the most to you in the world. Only then will you be able to obtain the Object.

Once you have arrived, take 10 minutes or so to look around, reminisce, and possibly shed a few tears for the memories you will never have back. After this time, you will notice something peculiar. A woman who was not there before. She will be wearing a black dress with a black funeral veil over her face. She could be sitting on a park bench, standing in an alleyway, wherever she can be that you will notice her. She will not arrive. She will simply be there once your sorrow peaks.

You must approach her with only the greatest sadness in your heart and ask, "Where do they go?"

She will then turn away from you and walk in another direction. Stand perfectly still. Do not follow her, do not call out to her. Remain stationary and silent. She will walk around this place you know so well for a minute or so before producing an old Polaroid camera and snapping a picture of the place. She will then walk back to you, take a picture, shake it for a while, and hand it to you with the back facing up. Take it from her, turn it over, and look at it.

Once your eyes come into contact with the image, you will immediately go blind. After a moment, you will regain sight to find yourself still standing in the same place, but in the middle of your favorite memory. This memory is the memory in which you were the happiest you have ever been, but you will only feel sorrow, hopelessness, anguish. You will not be able to remember how happy you were in this moment in time, you will only be able to feel a thousand years of unhappiness for every day that has passed since the day the memory happened. If you manage to withstand reliving the entirety of this memory without ending your own life, you will lose sight again momentarily, and regain sight again to be standing in the same place in the present. You will have no memory of the image on the Polaroid picture, and the picture in your hand will now be blank on both sides. Take my word on this. If you look at it, you will blackout only to end your own life, after which your soul will fall into an infinite agonizing existence in which you are forced to relive the moment you took your own life for eternity, though you have no memory of it. Drop the picture on the ground and forget about it.

The woman will be gone, and where she was standing will be the camera. Take it and go home.

The camera is Object 693 of 2538. Pictures taken with it will drive those of weak minds to suicide.

Object 697: The Holder of Fluctuation

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, stop. Tell the receptionist that you wish to see "The Holder of Fluctuation". A look of concern will flash across their face, followed by one of understanding. They will stand up, moving to your side of the counter. Grabbing your shoulder, they will lead you back outside. No, no, no. You will see only the briefest of flashes as the knife arcs at your throat before you die, Seeker.

As you contemplate what it told you, the crystal behemoth will groan, cracks blossoming across it, until everything save for its head shatters completely. Approach it, and you will see that encased inside the solid crystal is an ancient chronometer. You must find some way to remove it.

The hall will open into a vast antechamber, the columns made of the purest crystal you have ever seen. As you enter, a wind will pick up, and the columns will begin to crack. So great will the wind be that the columns will shatter, the shards along with you being picked up in a violent storm. You will most likely be injured, smashed into walls and lacerated by crystal. Do your best to not sustain any serious wounds. As you watch, the crystals will begin to reflect you at various stages of your life. Some will be of when you were a child, and some of you far in the future. Some will show you as you are now, and some will show you mangled and mutilated. Others will show you in the present wearing different clothing, or missing limbs or eyes. These are all the possible turns your life could take or could have taken. Every possible permutation for your existence will be displayed before your eyes.

The chronometer is Object 697 of 2538. He took it! He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it He took it Time has fractured and broken; Their determination has not. Break, break, break, break, damn you! Damn you!

When you have seen all you can bear, shout into the tempest, "Does time enslave Them?" Your ears will be assaulted by a horrifying sound, screeching and whispering and grating and hissing combined into a cacophony of madness. The winds will abruptly die down, hurling you into the wall. I will not be so lenient with you, interloper. I shall see to it that the crystals rend your flesh and bone asunder until only red dust remains as a testament to what you were. As you lay gasping, the shards of crystal will begin to move. Small pieces will skitter across the ground, and those embedded in your flesh will painfully tear themselves free to join with the others. Gradually, they will form together into a humanoid creature, a behemoth many times your size. You will be crushed and annihilated where you stand In a haunting and ancient-sounding voice, it will answer your question with a simple "yes" or "no". It will take the full rest of your life for you to fully understand the maddening, and horrifying implications of what it tells you.

The receptionist will lead you down a dark hallway, pitch black save for a light at the end of it. An irrational fear will creep over you, although you will not know why. As you walk, strike up a conversation with the receptionist. Ask them about their job, their life, and tell them about yours. You will find that they are quite friendly. They will have many of the same interests as you, and will be open-minded when they do not. Try to take advantage of this in order to distract you from peculiarities that happen within the hall. Distract yourself from the fact that the light at the end moves. At one moment, it will appear just in front of you, and at another, you will be back at the beginning of the hall. Your conversation will become erratic as well, subjects changing randomly and without any logical progression. Try to ignore this, for you will want your wits about you. Die Die Die Die!

The chronometer you will hold is far from ordinary. For those who hold it, time becomes nonlinear. You may wake up one morning to find that hundreds of years have passed, and, then, minutes later, be born again. You will experience your own death, before going back to the middle of your life. You will experience your life out of order, and repeatedly, for eternity. this is your fate. It always will be. It always has been.

He took it he took it he took it

GIVE IT BACK